Friday, February 26, 2010

Sponsoring Tiger Woods

You may have noticed that J-Dubb's Theatre has been inactive lately. You did notice right? You thought about it at least once didn't you? Of course you did... right?

You burned and pined for the empty chasm in your soul which can only be filled with J-Dubb's Theatre, didn't you!!

Well, anyway, the reason for this inactivity is that we have been busy finalizing our sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods. That's right, I have decided that Tiger Woods makes the perfect spokesman for J-Dubb's Theatre... mainly because nobody else wants to sponsor him right now and his rates have dropped dramatically so I can finally afford him.

Funny thing how when Tiger Woods read his apology, people had to make this big thing about "was it really heartfelt or was he just reading a script?" Really? You were really hoping for conviction? What world are you living in people? He had to read a prepared statement to assuage the media just like everyone else whom they sick their bloodthirsty dogs upon for the sake of making a buck. Why haven't you figured out how it works yet? The only reason you find this important is because it showed up on the magic picture box.

And of course the parental types like to complain during this type of situation that "he's a role model who kids look up to and he has a responsibility."

Hello!? The only reason he's a role model is because years ago the media found him to be marketable, so they gave him coverage and made him a celebrity and he got sponsorships from fortune 500s galore. The media made him a role model. Now, decades later, the media has targeted something in his personal life... maybe not something good, but it's none of my fucking business... and the same media that decided he was marketable as a celebrity all those years ago has now decided to market him as a scandal instead. It happens all the freaking time! How do these people not notice this?

Now, the media's gotta make a buck and this is how they've chosen to do it. Personally, I prefer to do it by providing services which contribute to society rather than making bad entertainment and calling it news so that people will watch it... but to each his own.

And so without further adieu...

Tiger Woods: The media built him up. The media broke him back down. Now he's the official spokesman for J-Dubb's Theatre.