Monday, December 26, 2005

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

It's the most holly jolly time of the year



Alright, so a lot of people have been talking about this "attack on Christmas", like that wack-job, Bill O'Reilly. Basically, they're taking the whole politically correct bullshit, x-mas, holiday trees, happy holidays, things that imply Christmas, without actually using the word, and calling it an attack. Well, today I'm starting, the Official War on Christmas. That's right. Everywhere I go this time of year, I feel like I'm trying to eek my way through one of Rush Limbaugh's arteries. People have been complaining about this insanity we call Christmas for years, yet everybody just keeps going along with it. Why? It's time for a better world people, and one step is the removal of this vile holiday.

Now don't go starting calling Christmas trees, holiday trees as part of your attack on Christmas. We're not a bunch of rebellious teenagers here, we've gotta be productive. But if that's what you prefer to call it, go ahead, I could give a shit what word you use for an underdeveloped pine tree.

Also, don't start bashing Christmas because it's a disguised pagan holiday, either. Who cares. What did pagans ever do to you?

Now I know there's a lot of people who go through this because they want their kids to experience the same happy memories that they had. So go ahead. Give your kids happy memories, and make it special. You don't have to zombetize yourself every year in order to do this. And for those of you who want to celebrate the birth of Christ, celebrate the birth of Christ. Set up a pre-pubescent pine in the living room if you want.

But don't complain if you're just gonna keep going through with it the way it is. You're the one who's deciding to do it, so stop. Don't do it. Doooon't do it. Don't make me turn this car around. You're just gonna keep doing it aren't you? Ah well. Enjoy.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Superstar of the Week is Don Polinski



Superstar of the Week is back. This week, we're featuring Don Polinski, the only result in Yahoo image search from a name I thought of off the top of my head. Thank you, random citizen, for your outstanding citizenry.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Exam Time

Man, these days I'm trying to complicate the spelling of things. When I was writing the subject line for this, I couldn't think of how to spell "exam". I kept wanting to spell it "exame" and "examn", so I finally found the word exam, and I was like, "duh, could it be simpler?" Then, last night, I was writing an e-mail, and I spelled "teacher", as "teature". I was like "Wait, that doesn't look right". So I had to think about it, "Oh yeah, teacher, someone who teaches." It was kind of wierd.

Anyways, here are some more links. I thought they were funny.

Tim's Chemistry Exam

Fun things to do during an exam

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Spirituality and Sexuality

Well, just put in my two weeks notice at work on Monday so I can go to school full time next term. Sweet. Anyways, here's an article that I thought was pretty cool.

Integrating Spirituality and Sexuality

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Store Wars

Organic food vs Chemically grown (yet another Star Wars parody)

Store Wars

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I love public education

I just posted this on the ********* forum, thought I'd use it to revitalize my blog.

I agree. Public education is a joke. When I was in highschool, I was lazy, didn't care, rarely did my homework, and when I did, I copied out of the back of the book. Now that I've been out for a while and I know what I want to do, and am choosing to do it myself, I'm working on my PHD and I'm doing great. I know all the public service people would hate me because they want to hear, "Work hard in school if you want to amount to anything." but what happens in high school means jack shit to the rest of your life. I knew people who were in the advanced IB programs and today they're just your average joe "workin for the man". Their grades and all their advanced programs were meaningless.

As far as the content of public education, that's a joke as well. Not that there's anything wrong with learning algebra or history(I myself enjoy history), but this is not fundamental shit that people need to be learning at the beginning of life. What people need to learn is how to handle their emotions, their bodies, their minds. What's the point of teaching the periodic table when so many people don't even know how to manage their lives without anti-depressants.

And when kids get bored and have more interesting things going through their minds while they're sitting there, they're given drugs to turn them into zombies for the whole day.

People are so programmed to believe in the importance of this education system. But then again, that's really all this education system is, programing people how to fit into society, how to impress their second parents, after they outgrow their first parents.

If you want to teach people, take them out into the world and let them actually experience being alive. Don't pack them into little rooms where all they're gonna learn is how to live inside their heads. Then, when they actually know themselves and what they want out of life, they can choose what they want to study.

Note from the distant future: Do good in school...

and subscribe to my videos, which don't infact exist yet in December of 2005. But they will. So subscribe to them when they do...

and do good in school.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Nosferatu


Alright, I have something to talk about today that's very frightening. Vampires. Yes, they're out there, and they're very real. These monsters don't drink blood, however, they drain your energy. These vile creatures are called, aloofs. Yes, aloofs are very seductive beasts who can appear very charming and playful, when they want something from you. Be careful around these things, they will not cling to you, rather, you will find yourself clinging to them, seeking their approval. They will make it appear as if something is wrong with you, but don't listen. They appear innocent and can be hard to detect, so ,when you feel the tugging at your midline, the only thing you can do is walk away. Don't give in to the temptation of trying to "open them up". That's right, this threat is out there, so be careful.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Famous Mysterious Actor



Alright, I know you all must hate me right now, especially after leaving that cliffhanger post about tuning in later for the next post, and then leaving you, to wait outside in the cold pouring rain, sobbing, hoping for some sign of salvation, but to no avail.

Fear not brethren, I have not abandoned thee! I just didn't feel like writing anything last week, so get off my back already! Anyways, I pretty much spent way too much time on the computer last week and not enough time getting out and socializing, going to the store, stretching the legs, showering, getting up to go to the bathroom, you know, things like that. So when I tried to write on my blog, I just didn't have anything to say. But don't worry, I finally got out yesterday, walked around, smelled the pretty flowers, and now the ol' personality is back. That's right, my cunning wit has returned like white on rice (okay, bad example).

So I was reading the Oregonian once, and I read an article about something called The Famous Mysterious Actor Show. Apparently, there's some guy sporting a mask and a heavy coat doing a spoof late-night talk show in Portland, calling himself the Famous Mysterious Actor, or, Famous for short. So they've had this guy on KUFO a couple of times, and he is really weird. He says the most random, off the wall things (pshh, who does that?) and he talks in this weird little voice in the back of his throat. So I was listening to him on the radio, and I'm thinking, "Okay, this guy's just weird." So, he kept talking, and suddenly, I felt a laugh trying to escape. So I did my best to fight it, hold it in, while making little snort noises, until finally, I couldn't hold it any longer, and the floodgates of laughter burst forth. So listening to him, laughing, I didn't want to like him, but I couldn't help it. Anyways, it would be tough to put his humor into words, so the best I can say is that, while many comedians will take a comment or a thought and misdirect it, Famous will take it, chop it up into little pieces, smash them all together into a clay like substance, mold it into a shape that resembles a giraffe, then get onto the floor and start playing with it like a three year old child. If you've never heard him before, this probably makes no sense to you, but if you have heard him, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Anyhoo, you know what I haven't done for awhile? Pretended to have a time machine. So I think I'm gonna go head over to about 3500 B.C. and teach people about microwaves.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Friday, October 21, 2005

Tune in later

Tune in later for the post I started to write before I realized I was out of time.

This Weeks Moment in Evolution

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Macguyver



Just finished watching season 8 of stargate sg1. It's a good season, too bad they got rid of Richard Dean Anderson in the next season though. I've watched a couple of season 9 episodes, and they're interesting, but they just aren't as fun without ol' Macguyver. He was pretty much the dominant personality of the show. When Michael Shanks left for a season and they replaced him with Corin Nemec (Parker Lewis) the show still had pretty much the same personality. Well, they've got Ben Browder now and he's pretty cool, so we'll see how it works out.

On a serious note, this society is deeply troubled by the invasion of ammish people. They're everywhere, with their fancy cars and alligator boots. I'd just like to be able to get out of my car without being harassed by ammish people.

Okay, so I've been sitting inside all day and I'm a little out there. Oh wait, how does this differ from usual?

Anyways, that's all I've got for now.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Monday, October 17, 2005

A Very Smurfy Holocaust



Alright, so I guess some lady one day started feeling like she had butterflies in her stomach. This went on for about two weeks, when finally it stopped. But then, shortly after, she got really sick. She went to the doctor and they couldn't figure out what was wrong, until they took an x-ray. That's when they found a dead snake inside her uterus. She was then scheduled for surgery where it was removed. Needless to say, none of the doctors questioned her as to exactly how the snake got in there in the first place.

Alright, so I'm full of shit, but at least I tried.

Anyways, I guess Unicef is airing a 25 second cartoon in Belgium based on the Smurfs which is geared toward ex-child soldiers (article: Unicef Bombs the Smurfs). Pretty much, the Smurfs start out singing and dancing to that familiar old tune, You know, the la la la la la la one, when bombs start falling out of the sky and blowing everything up. They aired this on the news and it freaked all the kids out, so they decided to only show it during late hours. Now, how many of us as kids watched the Smurfs hoping for something like this to happen? I once heard a rumor that Gargamale actually represented America and red Papa Smurf represented communism, so I guess you could say that Gargamale finally won. Of course, for all I know, this theory has as much credit as the story about the lady with the snake in her uterus.

Style went on Jimmy Kimmel Live recently to talk about his book, The Game. Apparently, there's a movie coming out starring Jack Black as Style(I guess I can see the resemblance??) Jimmy Kimmel is funny on it and Jessica Alba is there too.
Here's the video:
Style on Jimmy Kimmel

Superstar of the Week is Terry Bradshaw


Sunday, October 16, 2005

Hercules vs the Moon Men



So I popped in a new DVD of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 yesterday morning and watched an episode called Hercules vs the Moon Men. This had to be THE WORST movie ever created and ever will be created may God have mercy on our souls. I can't really tell you what it was about because honestly, I don't know. There was plenty about Hercules, but there appeared to be absolutely nothing about Moon Men. I suppose maybe the bad guy , a bizarre looking figure who seemed to be covered in some type of armor except for a strange looking mouth, may have been one of the Moon Men, but they never alluded to this, except maybe in a confusing seen where what was supposed to be the moon seemed to grow closer to the earth, though it looked more like Glenda the Good Witch making her decent. The most memorable scene was about 20 minutes of people writhing around in a sandstorm with no dialogue or dramatic music. In the end, I didn't know who the bad guy was, what he hoped to accomplish, or what Hercules in fact saved the world from. You know, there have been several times when I've watched this show and thought, "That's gotta be the worst movie ever created", until I end up seeing one that's even worse. This time it's different though. I am convinced that there is no movie worse than Hercules vs the Moon Men. If there is, it was probably banned and destroyed because people literally would have asphyxiated and died while watching it. However, this just elevates the raw talent inherent in the writers for MST3K. They managed to take what would have been a horrendous experience and make it fun and enjoyable with the witty remarks of Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo. In essence, this just goes to show that evil can be used for the greater good.

Here are some links I found on another website (I didn't save the address for the website itself, so I can't include the link for it). These are videos where somebody has made trailers of movies and made them appear to be a completely different genre, ie The Shining as a family comedy, and Titanic as a horror.

The Shining

Westside Story

Titanic

Friday, October 14, 2005

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Fake Pigs


Howdy. Well, I guess the comments sections on these blogs are not safe from spam, so I enabled word verification so that anyone who leaves a comment has to type the goofy looking letters into the box before they can post it. this is to keep automated systems from being able to leave comments. You know, I sometimes get spam over text messaging on my cell phone. I don't see the point of it. At least over e-mail or websites they can leave URL's for people to click on, but you can't go to the website through text messaging, so all it's gonna do is annoy people and give them something to delete. Plus, the messages are usually incoherent or irrelevent, such as, "see the squirrels and penguins with water streetlight" or sometimes the message will be incomplete, like, "Come see how to". How the hell does this promote business?

Well, time to go to work.

Animal of the Week


The Animal of the Week is the marmoset.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Neil Strauss, "The Game"




Well, it was a big day yesterday as it was the first day of this blog. Now the fun's over. Time to get up off the couch, take some apirin, and clean up the mess.

As I was setting up my blog yesterday, my freind, Jon told me about my freind, Adam's blog. http://www.theadamtest.blogspot.com/ Apperently, he had been posting on this blog before he decided to abstain from the internet for religious reasons and I didn't even know about it. One of his last posts on this site featured a test called, "Which Napolean Dynamite Character are You?" So I took this test, and apparently, I am a blond chick. Wow, you learn new things about yourself all the time. When I saw the results with a description of the character, I learned that apparently I wear lip gloss and have a boyfreind too. So that explains why I always have a sticky feeling around my mouth (I mean from the lip gloss! Come on! What were you thinking, ya sicko?) So now that I am aware of this new information, I'm wondering if mabe I should break the news to this guy that I've been sleeping around with chicks. Anyways, something kind of ironic is that I once took a "Who's Your Inner Celebrity?" test and I turned out to be Vin Diesel. So does this mean that Vin Diesel's the blond chick from Napolean Dynamite too? Vin! I didn't know!

So, I think I'm gonna go over to Amazon.com and pick up a copy of the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Neil Strauss, aka Style, writes about how he infiltrated the seduction community and learned all the seduction tactics becoming one of the worlds top pickup artists(PUA). Apparently, he eventually decided that pickup had become too much of an addiction and it was fucking him up, so he decided to leave the seduction community. A lot of PUAs are pissed off about this, fealing like they've been sold out.

Well, my head's pounding and this mess isn't gonna clean it's self up, so adeu for now.

Superstar of the Week



The Superstar of the Week is Alan Alda. Every week this blog will feature a random person as the Superstar.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Happy Anniversery!




This is a big day for the world. It is the 1st anniversary of this blog. This will be a blog about everything, whether it be heady or absurd. I will write about various categories for example: music, sports, politics, sex, spirituality, videogames, giraffes, the Snorks, the crumb sitting on the coaster in front of me right now, people with the last name: McGee, snowmen, cars, and the mysteries of life, among many other various topics that happen to pop into my head for the moment. So park'er in that desk chair you got on clearance at Office Depot and suffer through the journey of a mind which straddles the border between genius and maddness.