Sunday, December 31, 2006

My December Post

I bet you thought I would go the whole month without posting.
What's that? Of course you cared! Don't be silly.
Wait a minute, I'm hearing the readers talk to me again. Hold up for a sec, I'm gonna go take my medication...

Alright, I'm back. As I was saying, so far I've gone the whole month of December without one post, superstar of the week, moral of the week, or even the drumming fat kid.
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I actually had plenty to write about this month, I just didn't feel like sitting in front of the computer, so, you get to hear about all the exciting December events next year. Except for the christmas post. I was gonna do a christmas post this year, but it's a little too late now.

Anyway, I've got an Indianapolis game to watch and Stripperoke to attend tonight, so, Happy new year, see you in January.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Don't piss off the cat.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Patriotic Duty

NOTE: I intended to post this during election week, but my computer was recovering from a nasty virus, which I'll post about later, so I minimized my computer time the last couple weeks.

So, a couple weeks ago I got to exercise my freedom by voting for the best politicians to lead my people. It was a tough choice with so many great politicians, but I stand by my decisions as I think these people were the best choices to offer. Unfortunately none of them won, but I just feel so free having this opportunity to chose my masters. To show how seriously I take politics, I am displaying an image of my ballot.


Click the image to see who I voted for. Notice who's running for governor and who I voted for City Council Ward 2 position A.

Superstar of the Week is Bruce Springsteen

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Integrity Vs feminist E-Mails

Hey homies. Have you ever gotten those dumb men e-mails where they basically take blond jokes only they replace the word "blond" with the word "man"? Then at the end of the e-mail they say something like, "If you're a man and you thought this was funny, good for you. If you didn't laugh, I guess you just can't take it." That's where men are supposed to go, "I can take it, I thought it was hilarious, wah-hah-hah."

Um, nice try, but I happen to prefer being honest over impressing people and, quite frankly, it wasn't funny.















"Oh my God J-Dubb! They're just jokes! Lighten up man!"


Once again, nice try, but this is a post about integrity. First we've got the hack job of copy-pasting the word "men" into all the pre-existing jokes which we've all heard before and passing it off as humor. Then we've got the disclaimer of, "this is just a joke, lighten up" when it was obviously done by pissed off feminists with no sense of humor themselves. Third, there's the neat little manipulation tactic, "Don't like it, then you're weak." And finally, we've got the people who laugh in order to be "someone who can take it". (note: I had a Freudian slip where I accidentally wrote "liars" in that last line. Now that's funny). Basically these instances reek with dishonesty.

My honesty: Why am I writing this? I felt the desire to because I really DON'T LIKE these e-mails. Call me stupid for no reason then tell me if I don't laugh, then I'm weak. No, this "you can't take it" bullshit is just your insurance against retribution. Basically, you can dish it out, but you can't take it. Tough, you've been called out.

Now, let's discuss how you can bust my chops if it is truly your hearts desire to make me laugh.

Comedy 101
-First off, the whole boys are stupid/ girls are stupid thing stopped being funny after the fifth grade. Might as well resort to the ole, "Girls go to Mars to get more candy bars. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider." When adults make these joke, it's not because they are comedians, it's because they have daddy issues.

-These jokes were funny as blond jokes because they were true. We can relate to them. Look at just about any group and the blond is the ditz of the group. Yes, there are some very smart blonds out there with PHD's and blah blah blah. No, blonds don't have to be ditzy, but many are, due to the way they're conditioned. (Probably because they're spoiled by men who do everything for them their whole lives). It's something we can relate to, which is why these jokes prompt that laugh response in us.

-Be original. People respect new, clever ideas, not recycled ones that we've already laughed at.

-Truth is funny. Specific details are funny. Just saying, Hah hah, men are stupid isn't enough to constitute a laugh. Why are men stupid? What specifically are you referring to?

If you truly want to bust on my balls for the sake of humor, and you're not just pissed off and taking it out on me while passing it off as humor in order to avoid retribution, find something specific to bust on. Not just, "hey you, you're stupid." What specifically can you make fun of? Did I trip while walking? Did I get all excited about knowing an answer while watching Jepardy, just to find out I was wrong? Did I spell Jeopardy wrong? Do I make funny sounds while I eat? I know I'm pretty bad ass, but there's gotta be something you can find to make fun of.

And finally, some advice for those of you who want to be, "people who can take it". Laugh when you think things are funny, don't laugh when you don't feel like it, and when something irritates you, write out long rants on your blog, no matter what anybody else thinks.

J-Dubb out.

PS, if you found this funny, good for you. If you didn't laugh, whatever.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Nosferatu Part Deux




In the last episode of Nosferatu, we looked into the life of the viscious creatures known as aloofs. Today we will discuss another kind of vampire called Bank of America. Bank of America is a vampire which charges fees and drains your money. Once upon a time, banks provided services. Now they charge service fees. Bank of America also charges, "monthly maintenance" fees. They even open up savings accounts with you and later change some of the details and start charging you so that the "savings" account becomes the "give your money to B of A for no damn reason at all" account. Worst of all, for those of us poor college students who have to pay for tuition, B of A now charges $35.00 overdraft fees.Beware the Bank of America overdraft fee, it could take a situation that can be remedied by the next paycheck, and stick you further into a rut that the next paycheck can't fix. and seriously, what's the deal about all this penalization for overdrafts? It's not like people are overdrafting to spite the bank. People want to have money. And how exactly is taking away money as a penulty for not having enough money supposed to remedy the situation? I learned math in the first grade. If you take away money from me, I have less money. Unless of course the bank wants people to overdraft so that they can keep taking hard earned dollars from people.

Also in this years issue of Nosferatu; spiders with human faces.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

It's not polite to stare into other peoples windows.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Friday, October 20, 2006

New Crack Kills

I just posted the first episode in the new series of Crack Kills. These new episodes are rendered on a new system. This new episode is my first use of this system and future episodes should be even better quality as I learn more about how to use it. They're much nicer than the classic series, anyway, which was rendered using MS paint.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Alright, time to get moral of the week back on track. Something that doesn't have to do with breasts. Let's see, uh, don't do this...


Monday, October 16, 2006

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Happy 1/100th centennial











The first post ever on this blog was October 11 2005. That post started out by saying, "this is the 1st anniversary of this blog", even though, technically, today is the first anniversary of this blog. One interesting thing is that, in the first post, when I summed up the topics I would cover in this blog, I threw in some random things that I didn't really expect to cover. One of these random topics was the Snorks. Well, I did in fact end up mentioning the snorks at the end of a post titled, Drugs in Cartoons. Originally, this blog was simply titled, J-Dubb's Blog, with a standard green title bar. Today, however, it's so much more than just a blog, it's a revolution. Okay, that's a little mellow dramatic. So, I guess it's still just a blog, but either way, this post will feature the highlights of the first year of J-Dubb's Theatre.

The first superstar of the week, which took place the second day of this blog, was Alan Alda.

October 13th, after discovering the wonders of blog spam, I enabled word verification for the comments on this blog. I titled the post, Fake Pigs. I guess I was trying to be clever by implying that the meat product, Spam, is artificial ham, even though, to the best of my knowledge, it is in fact genuine swine product.

October 14th, I posted the first This Weeks Moment in Evolution. This was a weekly segment which lasted only two weeks, then made a comeback later on as This Weeks Moment in Natural Selection.

I posted a couple times a day in the beginning, then, after a not posting four four days, I started a post out apologetically. Later on, I would realize that four days is not really that long to go without posting.

November turned out to be a three post month, beginning with a 1 day late Halloween post.

In December, I mainly posted links, to save the trouble of actually writing stuff. Superstar of the Week Made a comeback, featuring Don Polinski. BTW, if you click on the comments, you'll notice somebody actually commented claiming to be the child of Don Polinski. I didn't find this until months later and I responded, but I'm not sure if they've been back. Then I started the Official War on Christmas, my answer to Bill O'Reilly.

February saw only one post, which consisted of an image, and nothing more.

March had a more serious tone, aside from featuring the drumming fat kid for the first time.
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April was nonexistent, then in May, the blog started to eek back into life, starting off by introducing the Crack Kills page. I then posted a couple of my school papers in May and June as a way of saying that J-Dubb's theatre isn't dead yet.

July was probably the boomingest time in Theatre existence, starting with the creation of the J-Dubb's Theatre banner. Also, not only did I start posting Superstar of the Week again, but I also brought back Animal of the Week, and This Weeks Moment in Evolution reincarnated as This Weeks Moment in Natural Selection. I also introduced the all new weekly post, J-Dubb's Moral of the Week. July also saw the addition of J-Dubb's Videos to the Theatre family.

In August, Bert bit off a babies head, and Crack Kills classics were completely downloaded.

In September, Moral of the Week began to take on a steamy side.

Then October saw the celebration of the 1/100th centennial anniversary of J-Dubb's Theatre.





Tuesday, October 10, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week


What happened to moral of the week? It's like, all about sex these days.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Superstar of the Year is Chuck Norris

















Two days from now will mark the one year point for this blog, so I decided to have superstar of the year this week, and who better to feature for the whole year than the demi-god himself.


Tuesday, October 03, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Large breasts aren't the only thing, however, that make for good blogging.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Snakes in a Blog

I started school this week. There's a trend going around these days of rolling backpacks that you can pull around like luggage. They are typically utilized by older women. So, I always thought they were pretty pointless, pulling your back pack as opposed to strapping it on your back the old fashion way. But I've noticed something this week. Seeing these women tote around these rolling backpacks gives you the subconscious impulse to hold doors open. You see these ladies lugging around these suitcases and your mind says "handicapped", and you find yourself scooting all around to make room for them.


So, the other day, I'm at school walking outside, when I see a girl in full Muslim regalia pulling one of these towards the door that I'm exiting. Not only does she have one of these "help me" suitcases, but she's in Muslim garb, which to the conditioned American mind says, "I'm from a poor country. Please help." So I'm walking toward the door, seeing this girl wobbling her suitcase toward me, and suddenly I get all awkward and indecisive, subconsciously thinking, "stay and hold the door open. Wait, is she coming towards the door or isn't she? Wait, she's coming toward the door. No, where's she going? Can't people walk in a straight line?" Which I've noticed is another common characteristic of these ladies, is the inability to walk in a straight line, plus almost total unawareness of ones surroundings. Anyways, it turned out she was just passing by, so I exited, when I realized, wait a minute, nobody stays by a door to hold it open for someone wearing a backpack on their back. Unless that person is right behind them, then it's just the decent thing to do. But you don't stop and use your body to prop the door open when you see someone approaching from down the hall who has a normal backpack strapped to their shoulders. These rolling backpacks wouldn't make things any easier if there were no one around to hold the door open for these people. They would only complicate things. So, the whole point of using a rolling backpack is to get other people to do things for you. Everybody wants a poor me card, and now they've got the rolling backpack.

WARNING: Spoilers for the summer classic, Snakes on a Plane
So I went and watched Snakes on a Plane this weekend at the Bagdad Theater in Portland. The movie was everything you could expect from a movie that is actually titled, Snakes on a Plane. Sammy J. played your typical action hero complete with classic action-heroey lines like, "Do what I say if you want to live." Of course, the horny people died first, as according to the rules of the genre. And there was even a hungry anaconda thrown into the mix of smaller poisonous snakes in answer to the T-Rex of Jurassic Park. Over all, however, it was a rather fun experience. Sort of like how the MST3K crew improved upon the viewability of Hercules VS the Moon Men. Snakes on a Plane is a movie where you don't really mind if people talk or yell through it, and there was plenty of that. It was almost like viewing the movie with Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo themselves. Well, the comments weren't that genius, but it was still fun. I even attempted to initiate a slow clap after a rousing speech by Sammy J. It caught on with a few other people, but died out as it turned out his speech dragged on past the point of rousing. If there's one thing I can say about this particular cult classic: no Tim Curry in drag.

Anyways, one thing that I thought would make the movie complete would have been, as the ending credits started to roll, a Louis Armstrong style song that actually begins with the words, "Snakes on a Plane". But, since that part was missing from the movie, stay tuned for my video montage featuring the "Snakes on a Plane Theme Song".

btw, as I was looking up sites for the links on this post, I found a blog actually titled, Snakes on a Blog. Well, I guess that was to be expected.

**spoilers end**

**Blog post ends**

**well, one more plug, then it will end**



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't forget to check out the Legend of the Green Dragon.











**plug end**

**now blog post ends**



J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Okay, fine. Large breasts do make for good blogging.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Man E' Faces

You know those feeling chart things that have all the different facial expressions, like this Garfield one:

Well I figured I'd give you all a present for national talk like a pirate day. What better way to pay tribute to getting drunk and saying, "Yarr!", than my own feeling chart featuring your favorite Dubb. So click on the link below to see the many moods of J-Dubb.

http://jeremyg.wilson.googlepages.com/TodayIFeel.JPG/TodayIFeel-full;init:.jpg


Darrr! Thar she blows! Shiver me timbers me hardy, tis a big one.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Pictures of gigantic breasts do not make for good blogging.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Maintain eye contact when talking to people.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

See You Next Week

I won't be posting this week, but I'll be back next week for more posts, videos, and Crack Kills.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Classic Crack Kills Complete

CK's 36 - 40 have been uploaded completing the classic series. After this I will start the new series.

Animal of the Week is the Cape Buffalo

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Children mimic their parents behavior.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Friday, August 25, 2006

Trivia Time Answer

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The kid in the center is a future:

a. NFL quarterback
b. serial killer
c. novelist
d. song writer

The answer is:



d. songwriter


The kid in the center is Weird Al Yankovic, comedian songwriter and mastermind of such works as, I'm Fat, Ammish Paradise, Like a Surgeon, and Don't Download this Song.

This Weeks Moment in Natural Selection

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Crack Kills Classics


Awhile ago I started loading my classic Crack Kills comics onto a web site and I said I would load 5 per week. The old comics were all on 3.5 disks so I had to have them e-mailed to me by someone who had a 3.5 disk drive. For some reason, all the comics that were larger than four rows were compressed during the e-mailing process. So I expanded them and had to draw over them because they were all pixilated. Well, 10 shy of the origional 40, I just got tired of going over the comics that were compressed, so I stopped. That was some time ago. So I'm gonna try to retrieve the old comics again and just upload the whole thing onto the website, and then I'll start uploading the new CK's. The new comics will have a completely different look btw.

Trivia Time

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The kid in the center is a future:

a. NFL quarterback
b. serial killer
c. novelist
d. song writer

Find out the answer on Friday.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week


Watch where you're going. Seriously on this one, people need to start paying attention.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Snakes on a Plane II

Looks like the movie Snakes on a Plane has made so much hype, they already have a B movie sequel that will never see the box office. Snakes on a Plane II: Jon Dodson, King of Snakes, starring Bruce Campbell as Jon Dodson the snake king.

Superstar of the Week is Elvis

Friday, August 18, 2006

This Weeks Moment in Natural Selection

Another Late Animal of the Week

















This time it's a hedgehog.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Atomic explosions may be pretty, but they can have disasterous side effects.