Friday, October 31, 2008

Nosferatu IV

Greetings. In past editions of Nosferatu, I have talked about various entities that drain your life energy, such as banks and community college. This time, however, I will be discussing a real monster...

El Chupacabra

Now, in the past, we have known Chupacabra as the pesky little bat creature that slaughters our goats at night. I know we're all tired of our goats being slaughtered. Now days, however, we are witnessing a new phenomenon; the Urban Chupacabra.

That's right, the Chupacabras have been migrating north in the last 20 or so years, into the Northern United States and Canada in search of cooler climates. Some are now even going over seas into the UK and East Asia, thanks to Orbitz new Chupacabra rates.

This migration phenomenon has lead to Chupacabras moving into the cities and getting office jobs. And due to the lack of goats in the cities, they have moved on to other targets; us.

Now it was bad enough when these guys' activities were limited to devouring the goats of Hispanic farmers. But, quite frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of these little buggers jumping out of the bushes at me and trying to suck my blood. Really, can't a Chupacabra who's an accountant afford to buy blood at the store?

There's one Chupacabra who's always trying to buy my shoes for some reason. I think he needs them for some sort of time travel experiment he's conducting.

So I'm like, "Why don't you use your own shoes?"

And he's like, "I only have two pairs. These, and another pair that I use for jogging."

So I go, "Why don't you buy your own pair?"

And he says, "I never think about it while I'm at the store."

So anyway, I didn't sell him my shoes beacause I was freakin wearing them. Then, later on, he shows up at my house asking to buy my shoes now that I was home and could change into another pair.

I'm like, "Uh, why didn't you just go to the store?"

And he looks at me all confused, like, "Oh, I didn't even think about that."

And what's the deal with shoe laces, by the way? Those things are always coming untied. I'm constantly having to re-tie them. Usually I can feel when they're starting to get loose and then tighten them. But seriously, how come after 28 years I still can't keep my shoes tied? Am I the only one?

Well, that's all for today. Tune in next time for another spine tingling edition of Nosferatu.

Ghost Stories - Vol. 1

Since I don't have a Halloween video this year, this will have to suffice.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

This Week's Urban Legend

Claim: A suicide by hanging was mistaken for a Halloween decoration.

Status: True

See the full story.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Friday, October 24, 2008

McCain/ Obama Bracelet Battle

Last nights McCain and Obama debate included this interesting discussion about their bracelets. I have great respect for the military and those that died serving this country. But to see politicians trying to "one up" each other by wearing these bracelets. Oy...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

This Week's Urban Legend

Claim: Barack Obama does not qualify as a natural-born citizen of the U.S. because his mother was too young.

Status: False

See the full story.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Monday, October 20, 2008

J-Dubb's Law

When I take over the world, one rule I'm gonna have to have is that any company who tries to purchase more than one commercial spot per television program will be shut down.

Really, there's always some commercial that I find myself plagued by. That one commercial that insists on showing up every single commercial break, sometimes twice, sometimes in a row, until it's stuck in your head like a bad song. Right now, that commercial is Toyota's "saved by zero" commercial. I am sick and tired of that stupid "saved by zero" song. Not that it's a horrible commercial jingle; I hate it due to repetition. People talk about how annoying it is when radio stations play the same song over and over again. Imagine that; only for 30 seconds every seven to nine minutes.

And I'm not the only person who is tormented by this. While searching for a video to include in this blog post; I stumbled upon, and consequently joined, this Facebook group:

Get Toyota's "Saved By Zero" commercial off the air before I harm myself

As well, the search results page (saved by zero toyota commercial) seemed to be comprised completely of blogs, articles, and forum comments about how pissed off people are by this commercial.

This type of occurrence shows complete lack of respect for consumers on behalf of Toyota advertising. That is what my laws will be based on; respect. So due to Toyota's disrespectful behavior; in my world, Toyota will be abolished.

Sorry Toyota fans.

And from here on out, every J-Dubb law shall be concluded with:

This is the law. Let it be so.

Superstar of the Week is Tony Martinez

Monday, October 13, 2008

Superstar of the Year is Alizee

This year's superstar is french pop singer Alizee Jacotey. What can I say, she's beautiful and she knows how to move. And she's talented, unlike the typical Amreican pop-singer.
In short, aside from being just a pretty face.. and uh... body, she's good at what she does; entertaining.On top of it all, Alizee is also my future wife. She just... uh... doesn't know who I am yet.

So this year's J-Dubb's Theatre tribute goes to Alizee.

Past Superstar of the Year awards:

2006 - Chuck Norris
2007 - Peyton Manning

Saturday, October 11, 2008

3 Years of J-Dubb

Well, three years have gone by now since that first J-Dubb's Theatre post. This blog has kept going since then, and has even spun off a YouTube channel. I was hoping to break a hundred posts by the end of 2008, but I've had a lot going on since the end of the summer, including setting up an internship, and now it's looking like I may not even have as many posts as last year. Ah well, there's always next year. After all, I am now in my final term of school.

So anyway, without further adieu, let the recounting of year three begin:

As always, year three began with the recounting of the previous year.

Then came the Halloween season. I had a week of Halloween posts, including Nosferatu, and the first Halloween video. It is unsure yet as to whether there will be a Halloween video this year. It could happen, despite being in the middle of The Network series.

In November, Oprah put up a YouTube channel, I "pwned" a slovenly roommate in a video sketch, and I topped my post count from 2006.

December, I took the YouTube "H8orz" to school, and then wrote a melancholy post about the passing of years.

In January, I analyzed a mysterious brain teaser which has been showing up in comments and message boards around the Internet. Then I gave five facts about myself.

In February, I showed YouTube how to get noticed, in a parody of several top YouTube videos and vloggers.

That March, I put a hurting on both Tacobell and Billy Mayes.

In April, I proposed a new reality show and created an advertisement for J-Dubb's Theatre.

Then in May, I revealed the truth about the mysterious vlogger, Magibon.

In June, I decided to put my foot down on spamming contests.

And in July, I did several things, including giving five facts about myself again, questioning the controversy of e-begging, I initiated Dubb 2.0, and I deconstructed the monstrosity known as "Highlander the Source."

In August, Smosh was suspended from YouTube, but reinstated shortly after. I finally broke 166 subscribers after a small subscriber curse. And I introduced the world to Moepickles.

But then, towards the end of the month, the mysterious Network Executive turned up. He imprisoned me (J-Dubb) inside my own mind, and is using my body to reinstate his power. After this happened, absentee blogger activated. That means that this isn't really J-Dubb writing this, but an algorithm that is posting everything exactly as J-Dubb would have written it anyway. Now that end has been tucked in nice and cozy.

In September, the Executive, calling himself Belphegor, made a video proposal to YouTube. Then I posted about a rather eerie incident involving 9-11 and an eye exam that I made... er... I mean that's what would have happened if I weren't trapped inside my own mind, of course.

And finally October. Usually I have a Superstar of the Year before the anniversary post, but I missed it this week. But don't worry, there will be a Superstar of the Year this coming week.

And now the fourth year begins with a recounting of the previous year.