Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Woodstock Mystery Hole

Portland's Backyard Amusement Park

Where can you find a boat sitting on top of a water slide tube, meteor shower survival equipment, Robin Hood's tree fort in the middle of shrubbery, and one big-ass hole filled with random odds and ends?

The Woodstock Mystery Hole.

But what exactly is the Woodstock Mystery Hole? To tell you the truth, after having been there twice, I still don't really know. Then again, maybe that's why it's called the Mystery Hole in the first place. Either way, I will use the powers of observation to explain it the best I can.

Every year The Mystery Hole hosts a meteor shower party. According to the owner, a man known as Barron, meteors are attracted to his person on a yearly basis, so he throws a party. I went once in 2007, and again this year with a couple of friends.

The mystery hole is located in a neighborhood which is veiled behind a plain and unassuming looking warehouse in Southeast Portland.

Turning into the neighborhood, I found that the house with the Mystery Hole was easy to locate in that it is marked by huge letters which spell the word "HOLE."

Upon entering the backyard, I saw several safety warnings relating to meteors and not getting struck or burned by one.

Once there, I had my picture taken by the suggested photo spot, although according to Barron, he's not really sure whether it's intended for you to have your picture taken there or to take a picture of that spot itself.

There's also a boat on a tube... erm... a Tower of Faith, which is intended to transmit fun into the world much like radio waves.

And right next to the Tower of Faith, is the Mystery Hole itself. Upon... um... entering the hole...

So, I went into the hole in the ground. I descended a ladder which got progressively smaller... or that is... I magically grew to enormous size. Inside the tunnel, I passed under an arch made out of a substance identical to concrete. The arch, presumably created by an advanced civilization from the past, contained hieroglyphics telling stories of Portland celebrities and prophesies of Portland's future. The cavern itself was riddled with random odds and ends that visitors have left, including a long distance calling card and a Fred Flinstone figurine.

There was also a giant door which can't be opened. Of course it was minuscule to me since I was magically enormous at the time.
Upon exiting the Mystery Hole, I saw the History Mole.

But that's not all. Passing by a zen-like pond, I found a shrubbery which had grown above the level of the house itself. But there was more to this overgrown shrubbery than meets the eye. Hidden inside was a Robin Hood-esq tree fort, complete with fire pole.

In the center of the park, people played "zombie croquette" on a grassy lawn.
Now, I didn't see any meteors there. But then, I didn't stay late, either, so I can't tell you if Barron does in fact attract meteor showers. But that's the gist of the Woodstock Mystery Hole.

Oh, and there was bamboo.The Woodstock Mystery Hole

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