Friday, October 31, 2008

Nosferatu IV

Greetings. In past editions of Nosferatu, I have talked about various entities that drain your life energy, such as banks and community college. This time, however, I will be discussing a real monster...

El Chupacabra

Now, in the past, we have known Chupacabra as the pesky little bat creature that slaughters our goats at night. I know we're all tired of our goats being slaughtered. Now days, however, we are witnessing a new phenomenon; the Urban Chupacabra.

That's right, the Chupacabras have been migrating north in the last 20 or so years, into the Northern United States and Canada in search of cooler climates. Some are now even going over seas into the UK and East Asia, thanks to Orbitz new Chupacabra rates.

This migration phenomenon has lead to Chupacabras moving into the cities and getting office jobs. And due to the lack of goats in the cities, they have moved on to other targets; us.

Now it was bad enough when these guys' activities were limited to devouring the goats of Hispanic farmers. But, quite frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of these little buggers jumping out of the bushes at me and trying to suck my blood. Really, can't a Chupacabra who's an accountant afford to buy blood at the store?

There's one Chupacabra who's always trying to buy my shoes for some reason. I think he needs them for some sort of time travel experiment he's conducting.

So I'm like, "Why don't you use your own shoes?"

And he's like, "I only have two pairs. These, and another pair that I use for jogging."

So I go, "Why don't you buy your own pair?"

And he says, "I never think about it while I'm at the store."

So anyway, I didn't sell him my shoes beacause I was freakin wearing them. Then, later on, he shows up at my house asking to buy my shoes now that I was home and could change into another pair.

I'm like, "Uh, why didn't you just go to the store?"

And he looks at me all confused, like, "Oh, I didn't even think about that."

And what's the deal with shoe laces, by the way? Those things are always coming untied. I'm constantly having to re-tie them. Usually I can feel when they're starting to get loose and then tighten them. But seriously, how come after 28 years I still can't keep my shoes tied? Am I the only one?

Well, that's all for today. Tune in next time for another spine tingling edition of Nosferatu.


J-Dubb said...

P.S. After 40 years, I'm still wondering why I can't seem to keep my shoes tied.

J-Dubb said...

P.P.S. You have to tie the knot and the bow in different directions. If you tie them in the same direction, it's a granny knot, which slips untied easily. I finally learned this at the beginning of my 41st year. Pre-school failed me.