Superstar of the Week is this Kenmore Washer and Dryer Set

LOL Squids

New Web Ideas

So, lately I've been running out of cash as I scramble around the unemployment market looking for a new source of income. Inspired by the long running success of LOL Cats, I have decided to try my hand at a similar idea. If that guy can make bucks off of cute provocative pictures of animals, why can't I? So, here are some of my ideas...

LOL Squids

LOL Lions

LOL Crocodiles

LOL Snails

LOL Rhinos

LOL Cerberus

And of course, who will be able to resist the charming wiles of...

LOL Regis Philbin

Blooper of the Week

Superstar of the Week is Judge Joe Brown

The Woodstock Mystery Hole

Portland's Backyard Amusement Park

Where can you find a boat sitting on top of a water slide tube, meteor shower survival equipment, Robin Hood's tree fort in the middle of shrubbery, and one big-ass hole filled with random odds and ends?

The Woodstock Mystery Hole.

But what exactly is the Woodstock Mystery Hole? To tell you the truth, after having been there twice, I still don't really know. Then again, maybe that's why it's called the Mystery Hole in the first place. Either way, I will use the powers of observation to explain it the best I can.

Every year The Mystery Hole hosts a meteor shower party. According to the owner, a man known as Barron, meteors are attracted to his person on a yearly basis, so he throws a party. I went once in 2007, and again this year with a couple of friends.

The mystery hole is located in a neighborhood which is veiled behind a plain and unassuming looking warehouse in Southeast Portland.



Turning into the neighborhood, I found that the house with the Mystery Hole was easy to locate in that it is marked by huge letters which spell the word "HOLE."

Upon entering the backyard, I saw several safety warnings relating to meteors and not getting struck or burned by one.

Once there, I had my picture taken by the suggested photo spot, although according to Barron, he's not really sure whether it's intended for you to have your picture taken there or to take a picture of that spot itself.

There's also a boat on a tube... erm... a Tower of Faith, which is intended to transmit fun into the world much like radio waves.

And right next to the Tower of Faith, is the Mystery Hole itself. Upon... um... entering the hole...

So, I went into the hole in the ground. I descended a ladder which got progressively smaller... or that is... I magically grew to enormous size. Inside the tunnel, I passed under an arch made out of a substance identical to concrete. The arch, presumably created by an advanced civilization from the past, contained hieroglyphics telling stories of Portland celebrities and prophesies of Portland's future. The cavern itself was riddled with random odds and ends that visitors have left, including a long distance calling card and a Fred Flinstone figurine.













There was also a giant door which can't be opened. Of course it was minuscule to me since I was magically enormous at the time.
Upon exiting the Mystery Hole, I saw the History Mole.

But that's not all. Passing by a zen-like pond, I found a shrubbery which had grown above the level of the house itself. But there was more to this overgrown shrubbery than meets the eye. Hidden inside was a Robin Hood-esq tree fort, complete with fire pole.








In the center of the park, people played "zombie croquette" on a grassy lawn.
Now, I didn't see any meteors there. But then, I didn't stay late, either, so I can't tell you if Barron does in fact attract meteor showers. But that's the gist of the Woodstock Mystery Hole.

Oh, and there was bamboo.The Woodstock Mystery Hole www.barronmind.com

Superstar of the Week is Greg Giraldo

Blooper of the Week

Weatheman with Tourettes Syndrome

More than a Blooper of the Week

Superstar of the Week is Sheena Easton

The Telephone Banking Gameshow

Calling up your bank and simply getting the info you're wanting is a thing of the past. That's how my grandfather did it. How boring. Now, when you call up your bank for info, you get to participate in a game show.

That's what happened to me anyway. Watch this video to see how it happened. This video is based on a true story.

For royalty free music that is both great and free, visit incompetech.com

Superstar of the Week is Robert Wagner

Superstar of the Week is Cousin Larry from Perfect Strangers... Only Old

In other words; Superstar of the Week is Mike Linn-Baker.

Chase: Smothering You Softly

The World Takeover of Chase

Recently, the bank Washington Mutual has been replaced by JP Morgan Chase. This has come as a big disappointment to people as Washington Mutual has been known for it's free checking, lack of fees, and low interest rates. Similarly, several years ago I took out a car loan with Bank One, in Arizona, only to find myself later on making my payments to Chase.

So, in light of this changeover, I've began to notice certain commercials for Chase on TV. These commercials begin with a night view of the city of Portland from the Willamette river. A soft blue glow, the color of the Chase logo, begins to appear in the city scape. The commercial begins to pan around the city showing the source of this glow; banks and ATMs with the glowing Chase logo.

This commercial, set to the tune, Everywhere by Michelle Branch, gives off an inviting feeling. As I watch the night fill with this cool blue luminescence, sociable people gather around and I think to myself, "wow, I want to go there."

Then the commercial goes to a hillside which overlooks the city. A man sits atop as the blue glow emanates from his laptop. In the city scape below, you can see a few scattered blue dots. Then the dots begin to multiply, consuming the city until all glows with Chase blue. All the while, I'm thinking, "Ooh, pretty. I want to go there."

But then, a bug zapper comes to mind. The last thing a bug thinks as it gazes into the soft blue light is, "Ooh, pretty. I want to go there."

ZAP!!

Now, as a graphic designer I know all about utilizing color to effect moods. This blue light has a sedentary feel. So, snapping myself out of my trance, I realized what I was really seeing; the smothering of Portland. First, we saw the pinpoints of already existing Chase sites. Then we saw the pinpoints spread as Chase took over other banks. But then the whole city became consumed. There are not that many banks in the city. So the commercial seems to imply that Chase aims to take over everything, not just the banks. They want it all.

And the song; it may sound innocent and somewhat... soothing. But the words; "You're everywhere"? Clearly, the scheme here is to soothe us into the idea of them taking over. But what if the Chase logo were red and there were little red lights consuming Portland? Instead, this commercial would have the feel of a sinister force taking over the city. But what's more sinister; to advertise that you're planning a takeover, or to take on a friendly and inviting appearance as the world sits back and allows you to take over?

But that's not all. Unfortunately I couldn't find a video of this particular commercial online. I did, however, find a similar commercial of another city. But this one, instead, ended by showing entire continents being consumed by the Chase logo. So, it's not just Portland... they want the world.

Along with this, I found references to a commercial in which every room of a house emanates with blue from a monitor or hand held device. This commercial is accompanied by the same song, Everywhere. Big Brother anyone?

But there's more. I found another commercial in which the sun is replaced with the Chase logo which emanates blue light onto the black and white world. They want the sun too?

Now, I've heard conspiracy theorists talk about how "every bank is really an incarnation of the Federal Reserve which is the entity that truly controls the world governments." I don't know if this is true, but it seems Chase would like to be in that position.

So, in short; when storm troopers with the blue logo come to your house seeking shelter, you'd best feed them and let them stay the night. I for one welcome our blue overlords.

Superstar of the Week is Roger Moore

Blooper of the Week

Twitter's Server Sucks Right Now

God, I can't get onto Twitter at all right now. Did Michael Jackson die again or something?

Superstar of the Week is Lou Diamond Phillips

Don't Cheat. He'll cut ya.

Pee-Wee Says: Don't Do Crack

Check this out; an old public service announcement featuring Paul Rubens, better known as Pee-Wee Herman. Apparently he doesn't want people to do crack.

This is serious now, so don't laugh. Don't laugh. No... don't do it!

You're gonna laugh, aren't you?

Superstar of the Week is the Late Billy Mays

RIP July 20, 1958 – June 28, 2009

Summer of Dubb

I decided to shoot a quick video yesterday as sort of a followup to my last post, Summer 09.

It seems like I just wrote my post about the new year. In that post I wrote how it seemed like I had just written my post about the previous new year. Now it's summer all of a sudden? Time to call upon Summer Dubb.

The irony of this video is that, for the most part, it's a pretty lame summer so far weather-wise. I was lucky to be able to catch some sunlight for this video. It's like Fall with green trees. Anyways...

For royalty free music that is both great and free, visit incompetech.com.