Superstar of the Week is Phil Collins

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Be kind to Gods creatures.

Superstar of the Week is Burt Reynolds

Burger King's Deal with the Devil

Sometime last year, the Burger King finally showed his face. After decades of being known only in name, with nothing to show for his existence but the cardboard crowns that come with kids meals. After years of consuming greasy food and buying cheap excuses for jalapeno poppers which consisted of breaded cheese with little bits of jalapeno hidden inside and wondering, "who exactly is this king and why can't he afford whole jalapenos?" Finally, the man himself has come out of hiding.

To my delight, he made his first appearance to the nation in a commercial for a breakfast sandwich. But there was something not quite right about him. His appearance sent a cold shiver down my spine. Was it the fact that the poor man in the commercial woke up to the menacing grin of the king sitting next to him in his bed? Though this fact was unsettling and probably gave the King a bad start to his career as a mascot, he appeared in other commercials where he wasn't sitting in bed next to a non consenting individual, yet I felt that same eerie chill at the sight of his face.
When Jack first came out of his box a few years ago, he had the potential to come off just as creepy as the king, with that disproportionately large head, sharp-jagged saber of a nose, equally sharp hat, and large eyes lacking pupils. Maybe it's the smile, or maybe it's because he's a dedicated family man, but Jack turned out to be a lovable TV personality.

The King, however, though sporting a grin, seemed to reflect the darkest depths of the abyss.


He tried different ways to gain favor, including making an interception and a touchdown in one commercial. But his efforts were in vain. Something about the King just didn't sit right.

I tried to put it out of my mind, dismissing it as just my imagination, but something has come to my attention recently. I now know what it is about the King that is so disturbing.

I have recently become aware of some games that the King is partaking in. Not Playstation, not Gamecube or Wii, these are Xbox games. That's right, the King is in league with Lucifer.
For those of you who don't know, Xbox is a product of the devil.
Once upon a time, there was Atari, and the world was at peace. Then came Nintendo. Atari retired and the world was still at peace. Then came the Sega Genesis. Instead of one gaming platform, there were now two, and the children of the world were forced to decide which games to keep and which ones to sacrifice. This was the beginning of the Console Wars. From Nintendo came Super Nintendo and from Sega came Saturn, and the wars got bloodier. Then, Sony came along and threw Playstation into the mix. Now there were three platforms, and the world was chaos. As gamers became adults, they discovered the ability to own two platforms at one time. This brought back some balance, but not peace. Nintendo produced the N64, but it was a far cry from the Playstation. Sony produced the PS2 and Sega produced the Dream Cast. Just when it seemed like this war would never end, Nintendo and Sega made a truce. The world of Sega merged with the world of Nintendo. Finally, peace was at hand, and the people rejoiced. But it was not to be. At this opportune time, the evil Xbox slipped on to the scene. The wars started up again, only bloodier and more chaotic than they had ever been before. Xbox wowed some of the people with it's graphics and x'tra abilities, but those who were true chose good gaming over fancy graphics.
Now it turns out that the dark shadowy organization which controls Xbox has had it's hand in the entire console wars from the very beginning. It's mission is fear and chaos. That is what is wrong with this Burger King. He is a troubled soul who has become affiliated with this dark force. But I believe there is good in the King. Somehow he was seduced by these evil demons and he was already under their control when he came into the public eye.
Either that or his plastic face is just fucking creepy.

My December Post

I bet you thought I would go the whole month without posting.
What's that? Of course you cared! Don't be silly.
Wait a minute, I'm hearing the readers talk to me again. Hold up for a sec, I'm gonna go take my medication...

Alright, I'm back. As I was saying, so far I've gone the whole month of December without one post, superstar of the week, moral of the week, or even the drumming fat kid.


I actually had plenty to write about this month, I just didn't feel like sitting in front of the computer, so, you get to hear about all the exciting December events next year. Except for the christmas post. I was gonna do a christmas post this year, but it's a little too late now.

Anyway, I've got an Indianapolis game to watch and Stripperoke to attend tonight, so, Happy new year, see you in January.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Don't piss off the cat.

Patriotic Duty

NOTE: I intended to post this during election week, but my computer was recovering from a nasty virus, which I'll post about later, so I minimized my computer time the last couple weeks.

So, a couple weeks ago I got to exercise my freedom by voting for the best politicians to lead my people. It was a tough choice with so many great politicians, but I stand by my decisions as I think these people were the best choices to offer. Unfortunately none of them won, but I just feel so free having this opportunity to chose my masters. To show how seriously I take politics, I am displaying an image of my ballot.


Click the image to see who I voted for. Notice who's running for governor and who I voted for City Council Ward 2 position A.

Superstar of the Week is Bruce Springsteen

Blonds Vs Dopey Men

I have deleted the original post, because I decided I didn't want it to be representative of J-Dubb's Theatre, but I wanted to keep the picture of Buster Bluth, just for old time sake. Funny, I actually didn't know who Buster Bluth was, and had never seen Arrested Development, when I posted the original blog post. I just wanted to use an image of a person freaking out.

Essentially, the gist of the post had to do with how, when I was a kid, my mom had once brought home from work, and shown me, a list of "dumb men jokes", which were essentially "blond jokes", in which the word "blond" had been replaced with the word, "men". As a kid, this made me angry. I felt like my mom and her sisters were always bashing on men, and calling them stupid. What I realize now, as an adult, much older than the young adult who wrote this original blog post, is that they were raised by a bunch of misogynistic males, who taught them that women are stupid, and inferior. This was a psychological stigma that stuck with them. But, as a kid, I didn't understand that. I grew up feeling like men were always under attack by women, instead of the other way around. Hey, I was a kid, and that was how I perceived things from a child's point of view.

In 2007, when I wrote this post, I had received a "Dumb Man Jokes" email, similar to the office memo my mom had shown me when I was a kid, and I decided to rant about it. I made the rant "edgy" and "in your face", even going so far as to say that "blond jokes are funny because they are true". Funny, since then I've known plenty of men who could be used to confirm a reality to "dumb men jokes". There's a certain brand of dopeyness and cluelessness which is unique to particularly cliche masculine males, which I've come to call "dopey man syndrome".

Anyways, I didn't want this post to be associated with me, or J-Dubb's Theatre, now, so it's gone. But, I wanted to leave a place-holder, to preserve the feel of my life in 2007.

Superstar of the Week is Gerald Ford

Nosferatu Part Deux

In the last episode of Nosferatu, we looked into the life of the viscious creatures known as aloofs. Today we will discuss another kind of vampire called Bank of America. Bank of America is a vampire which charges fees and drains your money. Once upon a time, banks provided services. Now they charge service fees. Bank of America also charges, "monthly maintenance" fees. They even open up savings accounts with you and later change some of the details and start charging you so that the "savings" account becomes the "give your money to B of A for no damn reason at all" account. Worst of all, for those of us poor college students who have to pay for tuition, B of A now charges $35.00 overdraft fees.Beware the Bank of America overdraft fee, it could take a situation that can be remedied by the next paycheck, and stick you further into a rut that the next paycheck can't fix. and seriously, what's the deal about all this penalization for overdrafts? It's not like people are overdrafting to spite the bank. People want to have money. And how exactly is taking away money as a penulty for not having enough money supposed to remedy the situation? I learned math in the first grade. If you take away money from me, I have less money. Unless of course the bank wants people to overdraft so that they can keep taking hard earned dollars from people.

Also in this years issue of Nosferatu; spiders with human faces.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

It's not polite to stare into other peoples windows.

Superstar of the Week is Grandpa Munster

New Crack Kills

I just posted the first episode in the new series of Crack Kills. These new episodes are rendered on a new system. This new episode is my first use of this system and future episodes should be even better quality as I learn more about how to use it. They're much nicer than the classic series, anyway, which was rendered using MS paint.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Alright, time to get moral of the week back on track. Something that doesn't have to do with breasts. Let's see, uh, don't do this...

Superstar of the Week is Tim Conway

Happy 1/100th centennial

The first post ever on this blog was October 11 2005. That post started out by saying, "this is the 1st anniversary of this blog", even though, technically, today is the first anniversary of this blog. One interesting thing is that, in the first post, when I summed up the topics I would cover in this blog, I threw in some random things that I didn't really expect to cover. One of these random topics was the Snorks. Well, I did in fact end up mentioning the snorks at the end of a post titled, Drugs in Cartoons. Originally, this blog was simply titled, J-Dubb's Blog, with a standard green title bar. Today, however, it's so much more than just a blog, it's a revolution. Okay, that's a little mellow dramatic. So, I guess it's still just a blog, but either way, this post will feature the highlights of the first year of J-Dubb's Theatre.

The first superstar of the week, which took place the second day of this blog, was Alan Alda.

October 13th, after discovering the wonders of blog spam, I enabled word verification for the comments on this blog. I titled the post, Fake Pigs. I guess I was trying to be clever by implying that the meat product, Spam, is artificial ham, even though, to the best of my knowledge, it is in fact genuine swine product.

October 14th, I posted the first This Weeks Moment in Evolution. This was a weekly segment which lasted only two weeks, then made a comeback later on as This Weeks Moment in Natural Selection.

I posted a couple times a day in the beginning, then, after a not posting four four days, I started a post out apologetically. Later on, I would realize that four days is not really that long to go without posting.

November turned out to be a three post month, beginning with a 1 day late Halloween post.

In December, I mainly posted links, to save the trouble of actually writing stuff. Superstar of the Week Made a comeback, featuring Don Polinski. BTW, if you click on the comments, you'll notice somebody actually commented claiming to be the child of Don Polinski. I didn't find this until months later and I responded, but I'm not sure if they've been back. Then I started the Official War on Christmas, my answer to Bill O'Reilly.

February saw only one post, which consisted of an image, and nothing more.

March had a more serious tone, aside from featuring the drumming fat kid for the first time.


April was nonexistent, then in May, the blog started to eek back into life, starting off by introducing the Crack Kills page. I then posted a couple of my school papers in May and June as a way of saying that J-Dubb's theatre isn't dead yet.

July was probably the boomingest time in Theatre existence, starting with the creation of the J-Dubb's Theatre banner. Also, not only did I start posting Superstar of the Week again, but I also brought back Animal of the Week, and This Weeks Moment in Evolution reincarnated as This Weeks Moment in Natural Selection. I also introduced the all new weekly post, J-Dubb's Moral of the Week. July also saw the addition of J-Dubb's Videos to the Theatre family.

In August, Bert bit off a babies head, and Crack Kills classics were completely downloaded.

In September, Moral of the Week began to take on a steamy side.

Then October saw the celebration of the 1/100th centennial anniversary of J-Dubb's Theatre.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

What happened to moral of the week? It's like, all about sex these days.

Superstar of the Year is Chuck Norris

Two days from now will mark the one year point for this blog, so I decided to have superstar of the year this week, and who better to feature for the whole year than the demi-god himself.

J-Dubb's Moral of the Week

Large breasts aren't the only thing, however, that make for good blogging.